sorrow / anger

“A MERRY HEART MAKES A CHEERFUL COUNTENANCE: BUT BY THE SORROW OF THE HEART THE SPIRIT IS BROKEN.” PROVERBS 15:13

I read this week that doctors have discovered that our blood vessels actually harden with unexpressed anger; in our polite society, it is no wonder so many men are outlived by their wives.

Before you think me completely brutish, follow me. Our society gives women the permission to “feel”; to cry, shout, scream, pout and it can even be forgiving if a man should “push his wife” to the point of doing something physically violent. (Anyone remember a woman name Bobbit?) However, if a man raises his voice during a confrontation he is immediately and forever more considered a tyrant.

While there has been a destructive feminization of men in our society over the last several decades and while no one wants to see a male counterpart to Oprah leading an all male audience in a chorus of sobs over a neglected puppy; emotions are real and men and women both need the opportunity to feel and express those emotions.

Still our society is much more forgiving of a woman’s display of anger than they are of a man’s display of sorrow. It is well known that anger is a secondary emotion, so while we deny men in general, the right to express sorrow, we are outraged when that sorrow erupts as anger; better they hold it all in and die an early death I suppose.

Seriously, I would love a dollar every time I hear a male (young or old) told to “get it together” at the funeral home. I recently watched a man chastise his brother for “over-grieving” the loss of his wife. How do you over-grieve losing your wife by quietly crying? This man was joined by other embarrassed family members who told the widower to toughen-up for “the kid’s sake”. I wanted to skip from sorrow to anger myself and beat a few knots on the heads of that ignorant family!

Sorry, that sounded brutish didn’t it? Seriously, my point is men do feel sorrow, sadness and despair, just as women feel anger. However when men express sorrow it is often seen as weakness or unmanly. Therefore, many men bury their deep hurts and fears until they erupt much uglier as anger or God forbid; violence.

I wonder if “The Jesus Ministry” could have continue today after that FIT He had in the temple? He was yelling and turning over tables and flogging men, any Pastor doing that today would become the subject of the morning headline; ‘EVANGELICAL GOES CRAZY IN THE CHURCH HOUSE!”

“A MERRY HEART MAKES A CHEERFUL COUNTENANCE: BUT BY THE SORROW OF THE HEART THE SPIRIT IS BROKEN.” A broken heart does much more than make a person look sad; it breaks the spirit. The spirit of a man is who he actually is; under the skin and bones; his spirit is who he is; sorrow breaks who you are.

I am not advocating uncontrolled anger or violence, However, The Bible does say, “BE ANGRY AND SIN NOT” EPHESIANS 4:6 I am proposing that women do what men are told to do all the time; consider what your mate is feeling; give him space and permission to feel sorrow before it escalates into anger. And unless it sounds like I am blaming the women for our bad actions; men, you need to be honest with yourself and allow yourself to be vulnerable enough to express your sorrow. The deeper you stuff your emotions, the more volatile they become if they explode as anger. As men, we need to be aware of the emotions we are feeling and we need to be rational in how we express those emotions.

Both men and women should strive to think of others as well as themselves; in fact, before themselves. Both men and women need to feel validated. We must be aware that all have humans experience emotion. That emotion needs to be expressed if we are to be happy and healthy. Ideally our world would allow everyone to express sorrow as to diffuse the extremes of anger, express anger without sin and express forgiveness, as we all fall short of God’s glory.Amen!